Teach Me How To Love
by Yuki No Namida 13
Summary: Sasori is sent to Camellia Boarding School after his suicide attempt. Deidara tries to teach him to experience emotions and love without pain. SasoXDei Yaoi. Violence. Language. Abuse. Character death. Small stories within with other characters. R
1. Welcome To Camellia Boarding School

Disclaimer: I do not own Naruto

Chapter Warnings: Cutting/suicide reference

Chapter 1**  
Welcome To Camellia Boarding School**

* * *

Sasori walked down the dorm hallways, watching his feet as they passed through his vision, one after another. The hallway was filled with the sounds of students catching up with friends from last year and asking for any supplies that they had neglected to pack. Sasori ignored all this and looked at the slip of paper he had received in the mail two weeks ago. All it said was Dorm 2, Room 15. The red head continued walking until he saw a room marked with 14, then 15. He turned the handle and slowly pushed the door open.

He was greeted by a young boy with long blonde hair and baby blue eyes sitting in the middle of the room, surrounded by clay. "Hey, un. Are you my new roommate, un?" _Great, a blonde who can't even end his sentences properly_ Sasori thought grimly. But he nodded nonetheless, because like it or not, this blonde kid was his roommate for the year. "I'm Deidara, yeah. Who are you?"

"Sasori," he said quietly.

"Sa-so-ri," Deidara said, enunciating each syllable slowly. "That means scorpion, yeah?" Sasori nodded. Looking at his roommate's luggage, Deidara said, "You can put your stuff in the dresser over there, un." He gestured to the furniture on the left. Sasori walked over without response and placed his clothes (mostly just the navy pants and white tops that all students had to wear for a uniform) into the drawers.

When he had finished, he looked over to Deidara, "Where are the showers?" he asked.

"The back room," Deidara replied, not looking up from his clay model.

"Thanks." Sasori walked to the back of the main room to see another door. He opened it to find that there was a sink, toilet, and shower all in there. _Convenient. _He closed the door, quickly removed his clothing, and then walked into the shower, letting the cool water run over his body. He leaned his head against the wall, along with his left arm, waiting for the water to get warm.

He looked at his arm, covered in white bandages that were now soaked. Sasori wondered what would happen if he removed the bandaging now. Not hesitating, he pulled it off revealing the long red gash on the underside of his arm. Now open, the wound began to bleed, sending a trail of pink down Sasori's arm and down the shower drain.

This was what had landed him in Camellia Boarding School. It wasn't just a regular institution; it was also a sort of psychiatric hospital where students were sent to get treatment for whatever mental ailment that they had. Suicide and cutting just happened to be Sasori's.

* * *

Yeah. It's mostly going to be short chapters (all longer than this), but I update fast and there are a lot of chapters to make up for the shortness.

Reviews are loved. Even negative ones. Just be smart about it and tell me _why_ you don't like the story. And if you have any requests for couples or events coming up, tell me, and I'll see if I can fit them in.

Also, I'm currently looking for a beta reader for this story, so does anyone want to offer up their services?


	2. Enter Akatsuki

Disclaimer: I do not own Naruto

Chapter Warnings: Dead Animals, Violence, Language, etc. Basically, it's Hidan.

A/U: This chapter was updated slightly so that I don't have to add another chapter to introduce the rest of the Akatsuki except for Pein.

Chapter 2  
**Enter Hidan, Kakuzu, And Itachi**

* * *

Sasori woke the next morning to the blaring of the alarm clock in his ear. He reached over and smacked it until it was quiet. "Sasori, un. What time is it?"

He turned over to face the clock. "7:00," he replied. He heard a rustling of sheets in the bunk above him, and then saw a pair of feet appear as Deidara headed down the bunk ladder. He walked over to the dresser and began to get dressed a clean uniform that was laid out on the counter. Sasori went over and started to change, as well. "What time does class start?" he asked.

"8:00, but I want to get breakfast in the cafeteria beforehand, un," he replied groggily. "Are you going to eat?"

Sasori thought for a moment and then, "Sure." _I don't have anything better to do._

Deidara who had finished dressing walked over to the two desks in the room and grabbed his and Sasori's bags before walking over to the door. Sasori was ready now, too, and walked out with Deidara after taking his bag from him.

After they had gotten their food (prepaid with tuition) at the service counter, Deidara lead Sasori over to a group of students sitting at the furthest corner of the room. When they sat down, immediately questions were asked. "Who's the kid?" a boy with black hair tied in a ponytail and crimson eyes asked.

"New roommate," Deidara said between the bites of his omelet. "His name is Sasori, un."

"So, what are you in for?" a violet-eyed boy with sleeked back white hair asked. Sasori didn't answer. Rather, he was looking at the lump of feathers next to the speaker's plate. "Hey, I'm talking to you."

"Hidan," a boy also with black hair said, "What the hell is _that _doing at the table?" He was referring to the object that Sasori was staring at.

The boy with white hair, who Sasori now presumed to be Hidan, replied, "It's my sacrifice to Jashin, duh."

"It's a bird, Hidan. What the fuck?"

"It was mocking me, Kakuzu."

"Birds can't mock you, dumbass."

"Yes they can!"

"So you killed it?"

"You should have seen it when I ripped off the little fucker's head! So much blood! Jashin would be proud."

"So you have to eat with it, too?"

Deidara turned to Sasori. "You're probably confused now, un," he said, acting as if all of the nonsensical yelling was perfectly normal, which it probably was. "So, I'll introduce everyone to you, yeah. The bored guy with the red eyes is Uchiha Itachi. And you know who Hidan and Kakuzu are. At the other end of the table you have Kisame, Tobi, Zetsu, and the girl is Konan," he said, pointing each one out as he did. "And there's one more, but he didn't come to breakfast today, un."

Sasori looked back at the headless bird lying on the table. "And that?"

"Hidan likes to sacrifice things to Jashin, his god, yeah."

"The bloodier the better!" Hidan yelled enthusiastically.

"Yes," Kakuzu replied. "We all love seeing blood stains on your clothes this early in the morning."

"Of course you do!"

"It's called sarcasm, idiot!"

"I know what sarcasm is!"

"Obviously not!"

The two of them were busy arguing when the three at the other end of the table came over to see what the commotion was. The one called Tobi, who was wearing an orange spiral mask spoke first, and in an annoyingly childish voice. "Hello new person!" Sasori looked down at his food. He could tell already that this kid was too peppy for him.

"Apparently, he doesn't like to talk," the white half of Zetsu said. Sasori couldn't conceal his interest as he was trying to figure out if his appearance was a defect he was born with or some sort of experimentation. "We should eat him to make him talk then," the black half replied. _Great. A cannibal. But can he really be called a cannibal when he looks like a giant plant? Maybe a giant venus fly trap. And people are his flies._

"This is Sasori, un," Deidara said, introducing him once again. "He's my new roommate."

The girl with blue hair spoke up. "He's pretty cute, hn."

"Yeah, he is," Tobi said, sticking his face up to Sasori's.

"I'd hate to interrupt this oh-so-interesting conversation, but it's 7:50," Itachi said. "If we don't leave now, we're going to be late to class." Everyone got up and headed towards the main building. Hidan left the carcass at the table for the workers to clean. Yuck.

"What's your schedule, un?" Deidara asked Sasori. He pulled a sheet of paper from his bag and handed it to Deidara. "Oh. You have a therapy session first period on Mondays. We all have those, yeah, but never the first, because then that's what you have to look forward to at the beginning of each week." He made a puckered face.

_Great. Just great. _Sasori hadn't looked at his schedule prior to now. "Where's that at?" he asked.

"I'll show you." Deidara said, grabbing Sasori's wrist to lead him. Sasori flinched at the sudden contact, but allowed the blonde to drag him down the halls of the main building until he was at a door that read 'Therapist'. Deidara left Sasori then for his first class. The red head reached out to grab the doorknob and then entered the room.

* * *

Hidan has issues. And next chapter, we learn more about what made Sasori where he is. For those of you who want to know about Dei-Chan, he's going to take a while, but I'll drop some hints throughout the chapters.

Reviews are loved. And you can still tell me about couples that you want to show up. I'm a bit lacking with those in the plot outline as it is right now.


	3. The First Therapy Session

Disclaimer: I do not own Naruto

Chapter Warnings: Cutting/Suicide reference, Abuse

Chapter 3  
**The First Therapy Session**

* * *

Sasori entered the small room cautiously. In one corner there was a man sitting in a chair with a clipboard, and in the opposite corner there was an empty chair that Sasori assumed was for him, so he sat down. The man spoke. "I am Iruka, and I will be your therapist, Sasori." He looked for any reaction, but got none. Sasori was not going to play by this shrink's rules. This was a game - a battle of wits - and Sasori was determined to win. He cleared his face of all emotions, which was not difficult since it was almost always like that anyways. Iruka began. "I want to talk about why you are here."

Sasori held up his left arm, which had been wrapped in bandages once again. "I already know why I'm here."

"That's just the tip of the iceberg, Sasori. I want to know what made you do that; the why behind the cut. Your grandmother told me that you are depressed, antisocial-"

"Let's leave her out of this," Sasori replied calmly.

"Okay. We'll touch more on that later. So, how about your parents? I heard that they were a major factor too-"

"Let's leave them out of this, as well."

Iruka wrote something down on his clipboard. "So who _do_ you want to discuss, Sasori. Who or what do you believe to be the cause of all this?" Silence. "Sasori?"

"No one."

"Surely it's not no one. You don't want to talk about your grandmother, or your parents, so the only one that's left that I can think of is _you_." Sasori grimaced, and Iruka could see that he had hit a nerve. "Do you blame yourself for what has happened?" Silence. "Sasori, I will not accept that as an answer."

"Maybe."

"Maybe you blame yourself?"

"Sure."

Iruka wrote on his clipboard again. "Tell me about when the…" He paused, choosing his words carefully, "_attacks_ first started… Take your time."

Sasori contemplated his answer. If he were to tell the whole truth, he would have to bring his parents into this, and he already had made a point not to. But what could he say to satisfy the therapist without mentioning them? Maybe if he just told a little.

"I was 10," he said slowly.

"So, approximately 6 1/2 years ago?" Iruka was answered with a nod. "That's a long time. What was the trigger for the first time?" No answer. "Sasori?"

"They were… arguing again."

"Again? And I'm assuming your parents. So, why was this time different than the others for you?"

"I couldn't handle it; all of the yelling. I just wanted it to stop." Shit.Already he was telling more to this therapist than he had intended. But something about him made Sasori want to spill out all of his secrets to the man.

"So, then you did it?" Sasori looked at Iruka, slightly puzzled. "That's when you-" he gestured to his arm.

"It wasn't intentional," Sasori said.

"Hm?" the shrink said, writing again.

"I was upset with them… They were fighting in front of me like I didn't matter… So, I went upstairs to the bathroom to throw the vase that they had in there; release some anger. But," Sasori paused, remembering the night very clearly, "the shards bounced back and hit me, cutting my exposed arms everywhere."

"And you liked it." It wasn't a question.

"Do you think I'm some sort of sick bastard for getting enjoyment out of that?" the patient demanded.

Iruka remained cool and direct. "I don't think that at all, Sasori. I understand that the pain was a release for you, where for once, you were in control, instead of your parents."

Sasori's stomach began to heave as he realized he was losing this battle. "I think I'm going to be sick," he said, covering his mouth, and he ran out of the office and to the nearest bathroom he could find. He then emptied all of the morning's breakfast into the toilet until all that was left was dry heaves.

He heard footsteps entering the bathroom and turned around in the open stall to see a boy standing there, glaring at him with the whitest eyes he had ever seen.

* * *

Wow. I'm updating pretty fast. And yeah. I know that I could have put these into one chapter and called it the first day or something like that, but I work better with smaller, quicker chapters. Otherwise, I would never update.

I hope this has started to clear up some stuff about Sasori.

Reviews are still loved.


	4. More Crazies Appear

Dislclaimer: I do not own Naruto

Chapter Warnings: Language, Violence, some shonen-ai fluffishness (very slight), OOCnessish

Chapter 4  
**More Crazies Appear**

* * *

The boy had long brown hair tied into a ponytail in the back, but what was most shocking was his pupil less eyes. At first, Sasori thought that he was blind, but that notion was quickly dropped when the boy turned to look at him and then said, "Are you done yet? I need that stall." Sasori looked around and noticed that this was indeed the only stall; the rest was just urinals. So, he wiped the mess off his face and then got up to leave. Before he had reached the door, the white-eyed boy asked, "Have you seen her?"

"Who?"

"That bitch, Hinata. I want to rip her fucking head off."

"I haven't seen her," Sasori replied cautiously, and he walked out of the bathroom, away from the white-eyed psycho.

He walked down the empty hallway, not knowing where his next class was, or even wanting to go for that matter. _For a school full of nuts, they sure don't keep a close eye on you_ he noticed. After a while, the doors of the rooms around him opened and students came out. He noticed Deidara walking with the shark-boy from earlier, so he headed over to them, relieved to find someone he knew.

"Hey, un. Lunch time, yeah." Sasori followed Deidara and Kisame to the cafeteria where they had eaten breakfast and sat down with them after they had gotten their food. He didn't have any, because he didn't want to upset his still churning stomach. "So, Gai-Sensei is as crazy as ever, un," Deidara commented to Itachi.

"Green spandex still?" Deidara nodded. _So even the teachers have issues_ Sasori noted. _Wonderful._ "I see that you are not eating," Itachi then said to the red head. Sasori mumbled something about upset and stomach, and not hungry. Itachi didn't press him further. Instead, he talked to Kisame, who was sitting next to him. "Have your parents decided to move you to a more proper place yet?"

Kisame shook his head. "No. They still refuse to spend any money. Greedy bastards."

"His parents don't want to pay for the bills that they would get if they sent him to a place of more scientific pursuits," Itachi explained to Sasori, who was new and didn't know any of their histories. "You would think that parents would be more concerned that their child looks like a fish, but alas, no."

"Are you trying to make fun of me?" Kisame asked, pouting.

Itachi stroked the blue boy's face, causing him to shiver. "Of course not. Why would I do that to you?"

Sasori turned away, not wanting to watch the affections of the two. Deidara noticed this. "Sasori, un. Are you going to be sick again?"

"No," he mumbled.

Sasori looked at the ground, not checking to see if Itachi and Kisame had finished, and then a pair of feet appeared. He looked up. A boy also with red hair and a kanji meaning love on his forehead was standing there with his armed crossed, glaring at Sasori. "Mother is not happy with you," the boy said.

"Hn?"

"Mother doesn't like that you look similar to me. She says that I should," the boy's eyes widened, "kill you." A frown appeared on his face. "Lucky for you, they don't allow us to eat with knives here, so I could only stab you with a fork, but that would be no fun, would it? Or I could just scoop out your eyes with a spoon. Or-" He gasped and reached to his head, grimacing in pain. "Soon, mother. Soon." He then walked away, leaving Sasori to watch, confused, as he left.

"So, Gaara still talks to himself, un." Deidara chuckled. "Everyone is as crazy as ever."

"But, you _are_ lucky that he doesn't have a knife. He's almost as crazy as Hidan when it comes to killing things. He just prefers people over animals," Itachi added, apparently done flirting with Kisame.

"I heard that you filthy bastard!" Hidan yelled from the other side of the table.

"His siblings, Temari and Kankuro go here, too," Kisame added. "But not because they have issues like the rest of us. They're just here for joint therapy with Gaara because they're totally scared of him. I don't blame them, though. Some people here have serious problems."

"Shouldn't classes be starting again now?" asked Sasori, who was feeling a tad awkward after the last statement.

"No, un. We don't have classes after lunch here. They say that it creates more stress for the more emotional of us, yeah."

"Well, then. I'm going to go back to the dorms," Sasori said, standing up from the table.

"Why, un?"

"Puppets." Then he walked away to the second dorm building.

"Puppets?" Itachi asked, curiously. He wasn't answered.

* * *

Deidara and Sasori both lay in their respective bunks, staring at the darkness above them. Lights out was at 9:00 there, so unfortunately, if you were a night person like Sasori, you were out of luck. But, it didn't matter, because when Deidara came to the room that night, Sasori was already in bed, though he was awake.

"Sasori, un," came the voice from the top bunk. "You never did tell us why you are here."

"You never told me about you either," he replied smartly.

"You didn't ask, un." Silence. The blonde had a point. "So, are you going to tell me?"

"Not today," was the reply.

Sasori heard the body above him shift. "You know," Deidara's voice came out sounding slightly hurt, "you don't have to be so distant. You can trust people."

"No. I can't." Then Sasori closed his eyes and willed himself to sleep.

* * *

Hm. I noticed while writing this chapter that there might be confusion. The characters from Naruto that I mention, other than the teachers, are all in the same class (Meaning they are all 2nd years). So, they all have similar classes and share the same dorm building (There are 3; one for each class).

Yeah, the Neji part was random, but maybe it'll have been worth it in later chapters. And I put in some definite foreshadowing in there with another character. Anyone want to guess what it is? If you get it right you get… a cookie, yeah!

As always, reviews are loved. And I still need pairings! Yaoi and yuri are ok.


	5. Not Grandma

Disclaimer: I still don't own Naruto

Chapter Warnings: Cutting, Blood, Suicide Attempts

Dedication: I want to dedicate this chapter to all the people that have reviewed and added this story to one of their lists. You make me feel all warm and fuzzy inside. And I'll try to get in those pairs that you put.

A/N: This takes place the Monday of the next week. Nothing exciting happened until then, so I didn't write about it.

Chapter 5  
**Not Grandma**

* * *

Sasori opened his eyes then jolted back, hitting his head against the wall. Deidara was leaning in so close to him their noses could touch. "What the hell are you doing?" demanded the now very grumpy Sasori.

"People are yelling outside, un."

Sasori sat up. "Fine, then. Let's see." Deidara grabbed Sasori's arm and pulled the red head out of the room, into the hallway, and immediately their ears were filled with the sounds of everyone's shouts. There was a large group of people standing around one boy and a woman with extremely large breasts. Sasori remembered seeing her in the school pamphlet. She was Tsunade, the principal, and she was apparently very mad at the boy.

"I said no dogs, Kiba!" she yelled. "We went through this last year!"

"But, I _need_ him!" the boy yelled. Sasori now noticed that the two were having a tug-of-war with a small white dog, who was whimpering in fright, or pain. The argument had been going on for quite some time, obviously, by the size of the crowd, and Tsunade was getting annoyed. So she let go of the dog and smacked Kiba, sending him flying against the wall. She then reached over and picked up the dog from him. He was too dazed to struggle.

Tsunade then yelled at the crowd, "Get ready for classes! Now!" And she stormed off, leaving the teenagers to disperse.

A young girl with blackish-blue hair and bangs walked over to the fallen Kiba. "U-um. Kiba. I'm sorry about Akamaru. M-maybe next year."

Now that the action was over, Sasori turned to Deidara and said quietly, "You can let go now, you know."

Deidara quickly releases his roommate's wrist, which he had been holding the entire time. "S-sorry, un."

"Whatever," Sasori replied as he walked back into their room to get ready.

* * *

"So, Sasori," Iruka said. It was their second session and the shrink was eager to continue their discussion from the previous week. "I want to talk more about your parents. You said last time about how they argued a lot. Tell me more about it."

"I told you that I don't want to talk about them."

"Then why did you before?"

"A fluke."

Iruka narrowed his eyes. "You and I both know that's not true. But, it doesn't matter," he said, pulling out a file from the desk next to him. "I have enough to talk about right here." He opened it. "So, it says that your grandma took custody of you when you were 14. And you are 16 now, so why did all of this continue if your parents were gone? If they were the problem, there was no need to do keep on hurting yourself." Sasori stared at Iruka with wide eyes. He didn't want to talk to him anymore. Did he know what he was doing?!

"Sasori. There is no reason to continue to feel badly. So, answer me. Why? Was there another trouble?" No answer. Iruka decided to take it up a notch. "Your grandma thinks that your attempted suicide was her fault, you know." Sasori could feel his heart beginning to race. _No. Not grandma._ "She sent you here so that you could be away from her, the problem in her eyes." Heavy breathing now. Why did it feel like the walls were closing in on him? "Sasori. She just wants you to get better. Why can't you just tell me what's wrong, so we can do that?" He couldn't breathe now, couldn't concentrate. Black spots were appearing around him. "Saso-"

The door opened. It was Tsunade, and she was looking even more flustered than she had that morning. "Iruka. Come with me quickly."

Iruka stood up. "What is it?"

"Hyuuga Neji is trying to kill Hinata. I have people pulling them apart, but we need you to help with- you know."

Iruka nodded and turned to Sasori. "I'm sorry, but I have to end our session short. But don't think that you've escaped the topic." He hurried out of the room, and Sasori waited a moment before running out as well.

He was running blindly, and only stopped when he ran into a familiar blonde person in the hallway. "Sasori, un…" The red head ran away from Deidara, not answering. He hurried through the entire building, then across the courtyard, until he was at his room, where he fell to his knees, head in his hand.

_Shit_. All of these emotions, thoughts, suddenly flooding into his brain. He had worked so hard to build up a barrier against them, and now that damned shrink had set them loose. _Grandma. She can't really believe it's her fault, can she?_

He shut his eyes, and a new image filled his head. Sasori's body lying on the bathroom floor, a pool of blood beginning to form around him. His life, pooling around him. His grandma walking in. Her screams. "No! Sasori!" Her running over to his body, turning him over and seeing what he had done. "Oh God. Sasori!"

"Sasori! Sasori!" What was this voice? Not grandma. It was more masculine. He opened his eyes to see Deidara kneeling over him. "Sasori, un. What did you do?!" Sasori still was having trouble getting over the blur in his vision, and the thoughts pounding in his head, muddling his thinking.

_What… did I do? _He suddenly realized that his arm was unusually warm, and wet. He lifted it to where he could see it. _Shit_. The once white bandages were hanging off loosely, and drenched in blood. His vision blurred again. _What _did_ I do?_ Then everything went dark.

* * *

Cliffhanger! Oh no! And yay, I was able to get some more of the Neji in, and have it work well with the plot. And now, we are going to get to hear more of Sasori's thoughts since the 'barrier' is slowly getting torn down.

As always, reviews are loved. And no worries, I'm typing the next chapter as fast as I can. Jaa.


	6. Trust?

Disclaimer: I still do not own Naruto. If I did, I seriously would not be writing this. I would be making it into the anime.

Chapter Warnings: Medications. Does that even need a warning?

Chapter 6  
**Trust?**

* * *

"I hope it wasn't something I said," a voice could be heard saying. "To think he would do this, even after our session." So, it was that damned shrink.

Another voice. "W-will he be okay, un?" Deidara.

"Yes. It wasn't anything too serious." Sasori opened his eyes and looked around. He was in what looked to be the nurse's office. "Ah, so you're awake. How do you feel?"

What was it with shrinks and always asking you that? "Like my arm got run over with some little kid's bike," Sasori replied gruffly. He wasn't in the mood to listen to this guy.

"Well, that's generally how one would feel after scratching their arm raw." Iruka frowned. "And just why exactly did you do that?"

"I didn't even know that I did."

"Deidara found you curled up in your room after our session crying out, "Not grandma, not grandma," and apparently you had ripped off your bandages and opened up that cut of yours. But you say that you don't remember that?"

"Yes."

"I'm going to put you on some medication and we'll see how you do with that. Obviously, you're much worse off than I had previously thought. I'll see you next week and we can discuss it more." With that, he walked out of the room.

Deidara spoke up now. "S- Sasori, un. Is this why you're here? You hurt yourself?"

Sasori looked away. "What do you think?"

"I- I like to be destructive when I'm upset, too. But don't hurt yourself, yeah. You really scared me."

Sasori turned to face the blonde. "You don't even know me."

"B-but I- I wish I did." Tears began to form in Deidara's eyes and he ran out, wiping his eyes as he did.

A woman walked over to Sasori, not giving him time to react to his roommate's distress. She held out a cup with two pills in it. "You are to take these every morning. Come here before class to get them. There are some side effects, so if you have any strange feelings afterwards, tell us immediately." She then left.

The red head stared at the pills now in his hand and quickly swallowed them. _These had better help_.

* * *

Sasori had been excused from any classes for the rest of the day and told to rest, so he did just that and went to his room. Deidara was already there, sitting at his desk, and his eyes were still red from crying. "Hey, un."

Sasori sat down on his bed, not looking at Deidara. "Hey."

"I would ask how you are, but that seems like a pretty stupid thing to say right now, un." He chuckled nervously.

"I got some pills to take. Maybe they'll help." _Why am I even telling him this? It goes against everything I've been working for._

"Oo. You should be careful with those. Itachi took some last year and he went really crazy. He started talking about how he had magic eyes and could fly, yeah."

"Are you sure that he wasn't just taking drugs?"

Deidara laughed. "Yeah, un."

"You can watch me to make sure I don't think I have magic eyes then." Deidara's face lit up. "What?" Sasori asked.

"I can't help but think that maybe you're starting to trust me a bit." Deidara smiled.

"No. I just don't need to be any crazier than I already am because of some stupid pills."

"Oh…"

"I'm going to sleep." Sasori pulled the blanked over himself and closed his eyes.

"But it's only 2:00!"

"Whatever." _Is it those stupid pills making me sleepy? Or is it… No. He's just a roommate… _Sasori yawned then nodded off to sleep.

* * *

Vey short chappie. Sorries. But some fluffiness makes up for it right? Chapter 8 should be fun. Goes back to the foreshadowing I mentioned. Guesses are still welcomed.

And as always, reviews are loved.


	7. Side Effects, And A Laugh

Disclaimer: I don't own Naruto. If I did, well, let's just say that there would be a lot more yaoi.

Chapter Warnings: Puking?

A/N: Uh, going to try and make this chapter longer because I really don't want to be burned at the stake.

Chapter 7  
**Side Effects, And A Laugh**

* * *

Sasori woke up with the sudden need to vomit. He ran out of bed to the bathroom in the back of the main room and began to retch. "Sosori, un." A very sleep Deidara walked into the bathroom. "Are you sick?"

"Obviously."

"Do you want me to get the nurse, un?"

"No. Just get out." Now he remembered. He had to go get his medications today. If this was what they did, Sasori wasn't sure he wanted them.

He made sure to tell the nurse that when he went later. "Yeah, I said that there would be side effects," she replied. "You still have to take them. Just man up." _What the hell?_

A young girl with pink hair walked in at that moment. "I need more laxatives!" she yelled.

Sasori looked over at her. She looked so think that you could snap her into little pieces. _Bulimic maybe? _The nurse sighed and said back, "No, Sakura. You're here to get over that. We're not going to feed your need to liquefy everything you eat."

The girl, Sakura, pouted and retorted, "Fine, then I'll just do what Ino does and puke it all up!" Then she stormed out.

The nurse turned back to Sasori, and handed him two pills like the day before. "Take these and then you can leave." _I hate this school already_ Sasori thought as he swallowed the pills. Then he walked out to his first class.

* * *

"Everyone run with the power of youth!" the gym teacher yelled enthusiastically. Unfortunately, Gai liked to make his students run for the whole period, so Sasori was already drenched in sweat 15 minutes into the class.

There was a boy, Haku he called himself, that was sticking with Sasori though. They both were slow runners, so they ended up being with each other at the back of the group most of the time. "Sasori," he said, "You don't look like yourself today? Are you sick?"

Sasori replied between breaths, "Just an upset stomach. I'm fine." Haku didn't look so sure, but he shrugged it off. He wasn't one to pry.

Sasori kept his pace even, working himself into a trance, and thought. _What the hell happened? _He could still feel a throb in his arm when he concentrated on it. The image of his grandma running over to him, screaming. _No! I will not think about that! But… It's really not your fault grandma._

Sasori felt his foot catch on a rock on the track, and fell forward, catching himself with his hands. Haku stopped to let Sasori get himself up. He had already realized that Sasori didn't like help or pity from others. Sasori shakily got up and began running with Haku again.

_That's right, you dumb fuck. Just keep running. God, so stupid, tripping like tha- What the hell? Where did that come from? I don't think like that. Hell, I don't let myself think at all. Then, what is this? Gah! Stop! _Sasori stopped running. "Sasori?" Haku asked, puzzed.

"Stomach. I'm going to sit out." Haku nodded in understanding and continued the exercise. Sasori then walked over to Gai and explained that his stomach didn't feel so well, and sat down on the edge of the track.

The emotions were still flooding into him, but Sasori was gradually pushing them back. Although, now he had a headache. _I should just not take these stupid pills. They're worthless._

* * *

Things only got worse for Sasori as the day went on and he was gradually getting more and more irritated. He was sitting at his desk, working on math homework, when Deidara walked in that afternoon. "Hey, Sasori, un!"

"What the hell do you want?" he snapped in response.

"J- just wanted to say hi." Deidara looked a bit hurt. _Now look what you did! But, don't care. Don't care about others. Just let yourself go numb. Stop thinking!! _Sasori smacked his head upon the desktop, sending a border of sparkles around his eyes. "Sasori!"

"What?!" the red head yelled, glaring at his roommate.

"Don't hurt yourself, un!"

Sasori looked away._ Forgot he was here. _"Sorry," he mumbled.

Deidara sat at the desk next to Sasori. "Everyone from our class gets to go to see fireworks tomorrow, yeah," he said, trying to change to a lighter subject. "It's going to be fun, yeah. Bang!"

"Bang?"

"Yeah, un. Art is bang!"

"If you're psychotic." Sasori rolled his eyes.

"Well," Deidara said smiling, "we are _here_."

"Good point." Sasori chuckled.

"Oh my gosh! Sasori, un!"

"What?"

"You laughed! I'm so happy!"

"Why the hell would you be happy about something stupid like that?"

"Because it means that you're happy, even if for a short while. And," Deidara looked down, blushing, "I like that you're happy."

_Shit. _"Uh, Deidara, I'm going to take a shower now."

"Hn. Okay." The blonde looked confused at the reaction of his roommate.

Sasori got up and walked into the bathroom. After getting into the shower, he sighed. _How can he say such things? He barely knows me. _Another sigh._ Still... I haven't laughed in a while. Thank you, Deidara._

* * *

The longer chapter thing didn't work… Please don't burn me! (Hides behind chair) I'll write faster! And more if I can! And I hope the Sakura part wasn't too odd. My friend and I were discussing the story and decided that she should be bulimic. Sakura fans, no offense to her. I actually like her.

Reviews are loved still…


	8. Mother Is Happy

Disclaimer: I still don't own Naruto. I have an awesome Mist headband though! Go Haku!

Chapter Warnings: Character Deaths (le gasp), Blood, Violence, etc.

Chapter 8  
**Mother Is Happy**

* * *

Sasori had much difficulty sleeping that night, so when he was woken up abruptly at 4:00, he was a tad pissed. "What do you want Deidara?" he seethed. "Deidara?"

The blonde's eyes were wide in fright and he was gripping the edge of Sasori's pajama top extremely tight. "S- screams," he stuttered. "Hallway."

Sasori calmed down. "Okay. Come on. Let's see what it is." It was him who led Deidara out of the room this time, though the blonde still held on to Sasori's shirt. When they walked out, they heard laughing coming to the left from an open door. Sasori headed over that way, and stopped dead in his tracks when he saw what was in it. Deidara wrapped his arms around Sasori and began to sob.

Gaara stood in the middle of the dark room, drenched in blood, and stood over the body of a young blonde girl with four pigtails. It looked like she had been beaten to death, and rather brutally too. Gaara heard Deidara's choked sobs, and turned to face the two of them. "Mother is happy now," he said coolly, though his voice had a slight tremor to it. He held up a lamp dripping blood.

Sasori backed up slowly, pushing Deidara up against the wall. Now others were coming out of their rooms to investigate, and when they saw, they ran back. The girls screamed, and some cried like Deidara. Tsunade came running down the hall a moment later with a few more teachers. They ran over to Gaara and bound him in a straightjacket, then rushed him out. Gai stayed behind, and made sure that all of the students went back to their rooms, and that no one went back to the scene.

Sasori turned around. Deidara had his eyes squeezed shut, and he was sobbing uncontrollably. He slid to the ground and hugged his knees to his chest. "Deidara," Sasori said slowly. "Come on." The blonde wouldn't budge. Sasori held out his hand. "Come on," he said more firmly. Deidara grabbed the hand and weakly followed as Sasori lead him back their room.

They sat on the ground, and Deidara had resumed his curled-up position. Sasori noticed that the blonde was shaking. He went over to the beds and pulled a blanket off of his, then wrapped in around Deidara's shoulders. "Why are you so scared?" he asked. He had never seen Deidara so upset. He was usually so peppy, though not so much as that annoying Tobi.

"W- why wouldn't I be scared? And w- why aren't you?"

"Blood doesn't disturb me. You should know that." His voice had become more nurturing. Sasori had always had a weak spot for kids, and Deidara was looking especially vulnerable like one now.

Deidara choked down another sob. "M- my little brother was k- killed by a car," he said quietly. "He looked just like that… All beaten, and torn, and-" He buried his face in the blanket.

Sasori moved closer to Deidara and let him lean on the red head's shoulder. "Sleep," he said gently, and Deidara did just that.

Sasori looked up at the ceiling with sad eyes. _Is that how I looked to grandma when she found me? Did she feel the same as Deidara is now? And did he get that way when he found me then? _It was then when he realized how he had just behaved. _Almost, like I care. But, I don't want to. I don't want to… hurt… _Sasori had fallen asleep as well.

* * *

Sasori opened his eyes. Deidara was lying in his lap, curled up, and smiling. Sasori pushed him off, gently, but his roommate still woke up. "Nn."

"Get ready for class," Sasori said as he went over to the dresser and began getting dressed. Deidara followed suit. He still looked shaken from before, but he seemed like he was feeling better.

They walked out, and made sure to not go in the direction of now blocked off room from earlier. But, it didn't matter that they avoided that, because the only other direction was blocked off by a group of students, who were having the same reaction as they had the night before. Sasori pushed his way though the crowd, then quickly covered Deidara's eyes with his hand.

"What is it, un?"

"You don't want to see it," Sasori said quietly. Hanging not four feet away was a boy that Sasori recognized as Gaara's brother. _He wasn't there last night. Did he kill himself after finding out about his sister? _The teachers came running towards them as before, but this time, they had to cut down Kankuro's body. It made a thump as it hit the floor.

Sasori, still covering Deidara's eyes, led him away from the scene. "Sasori, un. What was it?" Silence. "Sasori?"

"Nothing. We're just not going to class today."

"Why?"

"I said nothing." They were now at their room, and Sasori sat down on the floor, closing his eyes.

"Sasori, un…"

The image of Kankuro's lifeless body, and Temari's from prior, wouldn't erase itself from Sasori's eyes. He didn't really need to keep Deidara from class for the blonde's sake, and he knew that. It was more for his own. He could feel himself sinking into a depression from the sight of the suicide, and he didn't trust himself alone. _But why does it even matter? Didn't I _want_ to die? Or do I not want Deidara to find me and have to think of his brother again? Why do I _care_?! _A tear trickled down his cheek. _Why do I have to be like this? _

He felt Deidara sit down by him and wrap his arm around Sasori's shoulder, pulling him closer. The roles had been reversed. The two sat there like that for a few hours until a teacher walked in. "We're still going to watch the fireworks tonight, so you should start getting ready." He left to go pass on the message to the rest of the students.

The two sad boys did just that, then headed out to the courtyard where they would watch the show.

* * *

Whoo. Some of Deidara's past. And I updated really quickly, so no burning! Though, it might have been slightly rushed… But yay the fluffishness.

Gaara got sent to an asylum because he isn't safe to be there. That should have been obvious from the start, though. Poor Temari and Kankuro. Their brother is too scary!

Reviews are loved.


	9. Fireworks

Disclaimer: I think that by now, we know that I don't own Naruto.

Chapter Warnings: None. Wow.

A/U: Sorry about the late update, I had a quiz in my online math class and study for the midterm coming up. But to make it up, I'm writing pretty much all day. And I love this chappie even though it's short. Hope you do too.

Chapter 9  
**Fireworks**

* * *

Deidara and Sasori sat next to each other in the grass and watched the fireworks go off above them. Deidara looked to be especially pleased with them when they made loud bangs before they went off. When one went off really loud. "Yay!" he screamed, standing up.

Sasori looked up at the blonde. "What's so exciting about fireworks?" he asked.

"Art is bang, un!"

"…Sure."

Deidara sat down now. "You don't think art is bang?"

"No. Art is eternal. It lasts in the minds of its viewers even when its creator is long dead, giving them a sense of purpose in their life. Like maybe, they weren't here for nothing."

"Sort of like your puppets, un?"

There was a pause, then, "Yeah."

"Do your puppets-"

"I don't feel like talking about them," Sasori cut in.

"Then, what _do_ you want to talk about, Sasori, un?"

"I don't know. Tell me about yourself, I guess."

"Okay! Umm… Like what?"

"Why are you here?"

Deidara looked back to the fireworks. "Partly because of my need to blow up things," he chuckled, then his voice took a more serious tone. "And partly because of my brother."

"Would it be okay," Sasori asked slowly, "if you told me about your brother?"

"He really liked the eternal art stuff, too, but he liked to draw, un. He was really good for a ten year old. Mother and I, we thought that he would be able to be famous one day, yeah. But," Deidara paused, tears starting to form in his eyes. "I was in charge of him one day, and I wanted to go to the market, un. So, I took him with me. But, I didn't watch him, and he walked in front of a car, and-" _So, that's why._ "But, I'm starting to feel better here, so that's good right, un?"

"Yeah."

"Are you getting better, Sasori?"

"I don't know…"

"Do you still want to hurt, un?" Sasori didn't reply, but that was enough of an answer. Sasori felt Deidara's fingers entwine with his, and he startled. "You can squeeze my hand when you feel like hurting, yeah."

Sasori's were filled with mixed emotions. _Deidara. Why do you care?_ That seemed to be a reoccurring reflection lately. Sasori felt a rush of thoughts, shut his eyes, and tightened his grip on Deidara's hand.

They sat there and watched the fireworks, holding hands the entire time.

* * *

As always reviews are loved.


	10. Visits

Disclaimer: No more disclaimers. Le gasp.

Chapter Warnings: Again, nothing major. Wow.

A/U: For those of you who don't know, Chiyo is Sasori's grandma

Chapter 10  
**Visits**

* * *

Sasori woke up Friday morning with the memory of holding Deidara's hand pulsing through his thoughts. But then a more pressing issue came to mind. Today, relatives were coming to visit the students to check on progress and other things. _It had better only be grandma_ Sasori thought as he got out of bed and changed into the school uniform.

"Sasori, un," he heard a very sleepy Deidara mumble from the top bunk. "It's too early."

"We're getting visits today, Deidara. You have to get ready."

"No, un," the blonde groaned, as he climbed down the ladder, and walked over to get dressed, too.

* * *

"Sasori," Iruka said, entering the waiting room a few hours later. "Your grandmother is here to see you."

Sasori nodded and walked down to the visiting room. His grandma sat there, smiling up at him. _She looks older, more worried_ Sasori noted. "Sasori, how are you?"

"Fine," he replied curtly. _Why do people always have to ask that? Sometimes, you don't have an answer damnit!_

"Iruka says that you have medicine now." Sasori didn't bother to give a response. He hated it when people expected you to say something after a statement, as if to confirm what they already know is true. _She should know that by now._ Chiyo sighed and looked out the window where a bird passed by at that moment.

"Grandma," Sasori said quietly. "You don't really think this is your fault do you?"

She continued to look out the window. "Yes, Sasori. I do. And I think that deep down you know it, too, even if you don't want to admit it." Sasori noticed a singled tear stream down her cheek, catching the sunlight as it fell.

"I have to go," he muttered, as he stood up and walked out of the room.

_Why can't I stand to see her? _Sasori thought as he walked down the hall. _Because_ _everything's different now _he mentally answered._ I fucked up. _

Something caught his eye, and he stopped. Haku from his gym class was sitting in the hallway, crying. "Haku," he said slowly.

"No one is going to come to visit me," the boy said sadly. "No one's here anymore now that Zabuza's gone. I don't have anyone!" He began to scream. "How is this fair?! What did I do to deserve this Sasori?! What?!"

Sasori looked around, hoping that someone would come along so he wouldn't have to deal with the distressed boy alone. He had learned by now that seeing anything somewhat depressing always countered upon him, and he couldn't handle that at the moment. He was having enough trouble as it was suppressing the thoughts that his grandma's visit had brought up.

"Sasori, it's not fair," Haku wasn't screaming anymore at least. "Why do people have to hurt? Why are people mean? Why is the world such a bad place? Why?"

"I don't kn-"

"Haku!" Sasori looked to see Iruka running down the hallway, gasping for breath. "I was searching for you everywhere! You're not supposed to skip out on your sessions. Come on. We'll go talk." He held out his hand, and Haku took it. They walked away without another word.

Sasori's eyes stayed fixed on the spot where their hands had met. An image of Deidara, smiling, saying, "I care, Sasori, un. You can trust me." Sasori's eyes widened, his expression horrified.

He stepped back, running into the wall. He then walked away to his dorm. _Coward. That's what I am. I can't even try to be friends with anyone without being afraid. Or paranoid. Whatever I am._

He turned the handle and walked into his room. His roommate wasn't there. He was most likely with his visitors. Sasori looked over to the spot where he and Deidara had comforted each other after the incident with Gaara. "Dei…dara…" _Oh god. _He lifted a finger to his cheek to see that he was beginning to cry. _No. I can't. Deidara, why did you do this to me? I don't want to care for you! I don't want to feel anything!_

He saw the room sway, and collapsed to the ground. An image of the blonde appeared before him, hand outstretched. Sasori reached out to grab it, but only got air. His hand fell back to the ground with a thud. "Deidara," he muttered, as he closed his eyes, letting the darkness take him.

* * *

To help clear any confusion you may have about why Sasori keeps passing out, and stuff: It's a natural defense mechanism that some people have when they are in such a depressed state like Sasori. When things get too overwhelming for their brain, it causes them to pass out, so that they don't have to deal with it.

Reviews are loved. And I'm typing the next chappie now. It should be out soon.


	11. I Care

Chapter Warnings: None! Hmm. Maybe that means I need to add more action. I'll see about that.

Chapter 11  
**I Care**

* * *

Sasori felt himself drift back into consciousness, but kept his eyes closed. He could feel that his head resting in someone's lap, and that someone was holding his hand. _What?! _He opened his eyes suddenly. Deidara looked back at him, and smiled. They were in their room still, so apparently he hadn't hurt himself this time.

"Sasori, un."

"When did you…"

"I came back after my visit because I wanted to get some of my clay birds to show Mom, but then I saw you. un. And I just told her that I would show her next time." _I ruined his visit. _He instinctively squeezed Deidara's hand, and the blonde looked away.

Sasori let go. "Uh, sorry. I-"

Deidara quickly pulled Sasori's hand back into his own. "It's not that, un."

"Then, what is it?"

"Sasori, un. I don't like seeing you hurt." _I shouldn't have asked. It's like I'm provoking myself. _"I want to know why you hurt, and I want to make you better, un. I want you to not feel so badly."

_What would happen if I let myself trust him? What if I admitted how much I care? I could just finish the job if it turns out to be bad. But wouldn't that hurt him? Do I really care if I hurt him? … Yes. I do._

"Sasori, un. What are you thinking?"

"I… want those things, too. It's just… I don't do well with this type of thing. I don't form attachments with others because it hurts too much to do so, and…" he trailed off.

"Sasori." Deidara reached out with his free hand and pulled it through Sasori's hair, caressingly. The red head shivered at the touch. "I would never do anything to hurt you intentionally. And if their was something unintentional, I would fix it right away, un. Don't you see?"

Sasori, still in his roommate's lap, looked up at him. _I want to trust you Deidara, but I don't. And I don't know just how much I care for you. What if it's too much?_

The sound of the door beginning to open could be heard, and Sasori quickly sat up and let go of Deidara's hand. It was Iruka. "Sasori, you left your visit early, and your grandma still wants to see you."

"Tell her that I said I'll be fine. She doesn't need to worry." Iruka looked skeptical, but left to send the message anyway.

There was an awkward silence in the room. Then, Sasori said, "Deidara."

"Un?"

"I… know that you care. You've said it many times. But… I want to see now, how much _I_ care."

"What do you mean, un?"

Sasori leaned towards his roommate. _It's okay. It's okay. _He kept telling himself that to reassure himself that it was indeed true. He then reached out his arms and pulled the blonde into a tight embrace, resting his head in the nest of yellow on Deidara's shoulder.

"Sa… so… ri… un…" Deidara wrapped his arms around the red head, returning the hug. Sasori began to sob, as he let out the emotions that he had pent up. He felt Deidara run his fingers through his hair again. "It's okay, Sasori, un. It's okay."

* * *

I had a lot of fun writing this chapter even thought it was another short one. I hope you had as much fun reading it. And oddly, every other paragraph, I was watching a few minutes of Death Note, so it's strange that this was a fluffier chapter than sad.

Reviews, as always, are loved.


	12. Konan's Warning

Chapter Warnings: None again... Depressing almost.

A/N: This chapter takes place the following Monday.

Chapter 12  
**Konan's Warning**

* * *

Sasori stared at the wooden base of the bunk above him. Lying in bed that morning, he thought of what had happened. He had exposed all of his emotions to Deidara. Not only that, but he had shown affection for him. But at the moment, he didn't know if it was friendly, brotherly, or romantic feelings that he felt for his roommate. But one thing was for sure; there was something about Deidara that Sasori could not resist.

He sighed. Another session with his stupid therapist today. _He'll probably want to talk about the medicine, and then my visit. Might as well get up, and get it over with. _Sasori walked over to the dresser and put on the uniform. Deidara was still asleep, and the red head didn't feel like he needed to be woken up. He left silently.

Sasori walked down the familiar hallway to reach Iruka. He was early, but that was okay with him, strangely. He was in a good mood, today.

When he got to the door, he saw a note. It read: "Sasori, I am sorry, but something came up, and I must postpone our session. We will meet on Wednesday at the usual time instead."

_I'm finally in a decent mood, I even got here early, and he cancels. Wonderful._ Sasori walked back to the dorm. He didn't have any classes for a few hours anyway.

Deidara had apparently just woken up and was in the bathroom brushing his teeth when Sasori walked in. The blonde turned around when he heard the door close. He then tried to say something, but all that came out was frothy toothpaste. Sasori chuckled silently to himself. _There's another thing peculiar about him_ Sasori noted. _He can always make me laugh. _

Deidara finished brushing his teeth and walked over to Sasori. "Sasori, un. Why aren't you with Iruka?"

"Postponed."

"Okie dokie, un!" Deidara skipped over to the dresser and dressed. Now he looked just like Sasori, but with his blonde hair and perkier expression.

Speaking of perky… "What made you so much like Tobi today?" _That's a bit of an insult, but whatever._

"Un… I don't know, yeah. But, I have to get to class or I'll be late. Sorry, but I'll see you at lunch, Sasori, un!" He skipped out of the room, closing the door behind him.

Sasori sighed and walked over to his desk. _I might as well make myself somewhat useful and work on my puppets. _So he did just that.

* * *

Lunch began as usual, with Tobi running around yelling, "I'm a good boy!", Itachi and Kisame flirting, Hidan yelling about something morbid, and Sasori eating in silence. Konan sat across from him today, and although they never talked much, he could see that she wanted to now.

He looked up at her. "If you want to say something, then do it. Don't make me wait." Deidara, who sat next to Sasori at lunch, looked at them in interest.

Konan looked over at the blonde nervously, and then said, "Alone." She stood up and walked out of the cafeteria to the courtyard. Sasori followed her. She sat at a bench beneath a tree just beginning to lose its leaves, so they were fluttering around her.

"So?" Sasori demanded.

"It's not really any of my business," Konan began. "But I've noticed that Deidara and you, well…" She paused, looking for the right words. "I've noticed that you distance yourself from everyone else, Sasori. But you stick with Deidara. And I know that he's your roommate, so it would be natural for you two to be closer to each other than everyone else, but-"

"What's your point?"

She glared. "I was getting to that." Her tone was more serious now. More threatening. "I've known Dei-Chan since the beginning of our first year. I was his roommate before you." Sasori blinked. This was news to him. "He's like a little kid. He'll grow fonder of you over time and stick to you like a lost puppy. I saw how happy he was this morning. But, knowing what I know of you so far, you're just going to toss him aside." The blue-haired girl narrowed her eyes. "Stop whatever you're doing to him. You're just going to fuck up any improvement that he's made here. You didn't see him last year. You didn't see what he was like before."

"So, you're saying I shouldn't talk to him then?"

"Not exactly. Just don't hurt him. He's not as tough as he seems." With that, she walked away, back into the cafeteria, leaving Sasori to stand under the falling tree leaves.

_What the hell was that? Why is she so defensive? But, _Sasori tilted his head up to watch the leaves. _That does make me wonder. It makes me rethink everything that has happened between us so far… _He remembered the moment they had shared just a few days earlier. _Did I just make things worse? What am I doing? Didn't I swear that I wouldn't get attached to anyone here? Deidara… What is going on?_

* * *

Aww, Konan. Why do you have to be mean? They were just getting fluffy too. Reviews are loved, un.


	13. Touching Blabbering

Chapter Warnings: Angst (Does that deserve a warning? Maybe not. But I missed writing them.)

Chapter 12  
**Touching Blabbering**

* * *

Deidara smiled at Sasori when he walked back into the cafeteria. Sasori didn't return the gesture. "I just remembered I have something to do, so I'm going to go," he muttered, before leaving.

He heard as he walked away, "Konan, un. What did you say?"

* * *

Sasori leaned up against the base of his bed, and looked at the ceiling. _That was cold, Sasori. But, isn't that who I am? Who I want to be? It was stupid for me to think that I could change so quickly. This is exactly why I shut myself out from others. _He closed his eyes. _I can't handle this Deidara. I need to know how much you care, how much I care. And I need to know why. But, do I really? Am I not just tempting myself to fall? Or is my mind just so fucked up that I can't tell anymore? I just want to not have to feel this way. _Sasori then drifted off to sleep.

* * *

When he woke up, Deidara was sitting in the middle of the room, staring at him. "Sasori, un. What's wrong?"

"Nothing," he replied, a little too quickly.

"You were fine until Konan talked to you. You were all happy, yeah." Deidara frowned.

­­"I said it was nothing." Sasori looked away. Why did the blonde have to stare at him like that? He felt Deidara sit next to him.

"You're lying. I thought that you could trust me, un." There was a hint of sadness in his voice. "Don't you?" _I can't think of a good answer to that._ "I said that I wanted to help you not hurt, un. And I meant it."

_"So, you're saying I shouldn't talk to him then?"_

_"Not exactly. Just don't hurt him. He's not as tough as he seems."_

_Konan, what did you mean by that?_

Deidara stood up. "I guess I should leave then."

"Deidara, I-"

"I'll be back later." He left.

_I can't win either way. Konan will be mad if I try to get closer to Deidara. And by trying to distance myself, he will get upset, and she will be mad. Either way it ends up backfiring on me. But why do I care what Konan thinks? I don't really. So, should I just ignore her warning? Is Deidara worth it? Or is this just my hormonal teenage mind at work? Being human is such a pain._

He stood up. _I might as well go talk to him. I can't completely ruin the good moods that we had this morning. _He headed out of the room, hoping to find Deidara in the courtyard, where he usually was when he wasn't in the room.

Luckily for Sasori, the blonde was where he thought he would be. He looked up. "I said I would be back, un."

"I couldn't wait." He sat down on the grass next to Deidara and looked at the clouds overhead. "I'm… sorry," he said slowly, cautiously. "I told you before, I don't handle attachment well. I feel like such a douche for being so selfish like this, but it's all that I know how to do."

"What did Konan say, un?"

"Still on that?" Deidara nodded. "Something along the lines of I shouldn't get to close to you, because she doesn't want you to get hurt."

"But I'm not the one who-"

"Deidara, even if she said not to get too close to you," Sasori looked at the blonde, "I don't think I can help it. There's something about you that makes me feel better, even if at the same time it makes me feel worse."

"I don't want you to feel worse, un."

"I think I'm starting to realize a bit that you can't avoid pain altogether if you want some happiness. It's like an equal exchange. But, I still don't think I can handle that. I'm here for a reason after all."

Deidara noticed the touch of emotion in Sasori's voice, so he reached over and grabbed his hand. Sasori held it tightly.

"And," the red head continued, "things like that. You are always trying to make me feel better." Another squeeze of Deidara's hand. "But, all I have done is leech off of that. I never even made an attempt to try and make you feel any better."

"Yes you did, un. You helped me when I was sad for my brother." Deidara smiled. "And you're making me feel better even now."

"How?"

"I like when you tell me what you're thinking. I like understanding you more, yeah."

_"He's like a little kid. He'll grow fonder of you over time and stick to you like a lost puppy."_

"Deidara…"

"Un?"

"What do you think of me?" _This is just like a suicide mission. _

"Why?"

"Konan said something about you attaching yourself to people easily, and I was just wondering…" He instinctively tightened his grip, and his roommate noticed.

"Konan just likes to act like the mother of the group," Deidara said quickly, trying to remedy the situation. "She's one that doesn't want her kids ever leaving home, yeah. So, she gets defensive, and she talks, and yeah, she-"

"You're starting to blabber."

"Oh."

"But, I guess that's okay. You can blabber… if you want."

"Sasori, un. You're the one that's talking a lot."

_I am, aren't I? Didn't I have a reason for that though? Oh. _"Deidara, you didn't answer my question."

The blonde bit his lip, thinking. "The "What do you think of me?" one?" Sasori nodded. "Un… I-"

"Deidara!" They both looked in the direction of the voice. It was Konan. _Ruining the moment. _"Deidara, Pein wants you." _Who's Pein?_

"Why?"

"For… something." She looked at the two boys more closely, and noticed their entwined hands. She glowered at Sasori.

Deidara didn't seem to notice. "Okay, un."

The three of them walked away, Konan watching the other two closely the entire time. They still hadn't let go of each other's hand.

* * *

Longer chappie and quick update for you reviewers. Pein is coming for those of you who were wondering. And I would like to say thankies to everyone who has read so far. But, I may not be able to fit the other couples I asked for in. I'm trying to find space for them though. They were just going to be noted in the background anyway. If I can fit them, there will be slight SasuNaru for sure, and continuing ItaKisa, but probably not HidaKaku (too odd for how I have their character outline for the story).

As always, reviews are loved. If you any suggestions for the story that would be awesome too. I love reader input.


	14. Happy Birthday Deidara!

Chapter Warnings: Cake!

Chapter 14  
**Happy Birthday Deidara**

* * *

They walked across the courtyard into the now empty cafeteria. Then entire time Sasori kept thinking _Who is Pein? What does he want? Is what Deidara told me all that there is to Konan? _His mind was racing with thoughts of deceit and lies.

When they arrived, they saw that the large was room was not only empty, but pitch black too. _What…_ The lights flashed on and Sasori released Deidara's hand to shield his eyes. When he uncovered them he saw the entire lunch group standing by a gigantic cake coated in blue frosting. "Happy Birthday, Deidara!" they all yelled.

Tobi ran over and grabbed the blonde's now free hand, pulling him to the group. Sasori felt a twinge of jealousy at their touch, but didn't let it show. He wasn't going to let Konan see that.

He and she walked over to the table where Deidara was clapping excitedly at the cake. "It's your birthday?" Sasori asked.

"Mhm," Deidara with a big smile. "I'm seventeen now, un." _He acts like a little kid, but he's older than me…_

There was a bit of an awkward silence among everyone until, "Eat the cake, you bastard!" Hidan yelled shoving a handful into Kakuzu's face.

Deidara laughed. This was going to be a fun birthday.

* * *

When Sasori and Deidara finally had a moment alone Sasori asked, "Is the guy with orange hair and all of the piercings the Pein that Konan was talking about?"

"Yeah," the blonde replied, sucking the blue frosting off of his fingers. "He likes to think that he's God, if you're wondering why he's here. He thinks he's going to take over the world one day." _You can't be serious._ "If Konan is the mommy, then you can think of him as the daddy, I guess, un."

Sasori choked on his piece of the dessert. _Konan and him?_

With perfect timing, the two walked over to Deidara and Sasori at that moment. "Hello," Pein said. Sasori grunted in response, still trying to force the cake out of his windpipe.

"Don't grunt at your leader!" Pein yelled, flailing his arms.

Konan quickly restrained him. "Now, now." She turned to the other two. "Deidara, we just wanted to say happy birthday again, and here's something for you." She handed him a small pink box, then walked away, scolding Pein as she did so.

"So, open it," Sasori said, trying to forget that he was at a school with so many crazy people. _They do make things interesting though._

* * *

Sasori and Deidara sat in their room, exhausted from the five hours of watching Hidan and Kakuzu run after each other, throwing cake. "You didn't tell me it was your birthday," Sasori said.

"I actually forgot until Konan reminded me at lunch after you left, un."

_I was a jerk to him on his birthday. Nice, Sasori. But, I made up for it, right? _"I didn't get you a gift, because I didn't know. Don't think that I was being rude."

He looked over to see Deidara climbing the ladder to get to bed. "I don't. But, I'm sleepy, un," he said, yawning.

"Uh, me too." Sasori went over to his own bed, and turned off the lamp on his side table. He then realized that something was different. _I feel… okay. Strange. I don't feel empty, without emotion, like I usually do. And I also don't feel sad. But, I don't think I feel happy either. So, what am I?_

_And should I get Deidara a present? I don't really know what he would want, other than clay for those weird birds he makes. But, Pein and Konan already got him some. And depending on what I get him, he may get the wrong message._

They lay there in the dark for a few minutes, and then Sasori remembered. "Deidara, are you still awake?"

"Un," was the groggy reply.

"You still haven't answered my question." _I need to know. Even if the result is bad, I have to know, and stop all of this worrying. _

"What was that?"

_He already forgot… _"I want to know what you think of me."

"Well, un." There was a pause. "I think I like you."

"Wha-" Sasori sat up in bed. "Deidara, what 'like' do you mean?" All he heard back was snores. The red head lay back down, and a smile appeared at the corner of his mouth. _Happy birthday, Deidara._

* * *

I wasn't very pleased with the chapters from today... Anyways, looks like something's happening between the two. Let's hope it stays good.

Until next chappie! And reviews are loved.


	15. Talk And Confusion

Chapter Warnings: Some yaoi-ishness

Dedication: Must dedicate this chappie to all of the reviewers. Especially those that review almost every chapter, and the ones that add stuff like "garsh it even made me cry in some parts" and "It's like my drug". Every time I see something like that I get a wonderful warm feeling. So thank you all.

* * *

Chapter 15  
**Talk And Confusion**

_"I think I like you" "I like you" "Like you" "Like". There are so many things he could have meant by that_ Sasori thought, sitting at the edge of his bed. He had woken up two hours earlier than usual, but he couldn't get back to sleep. What Deidara had said the night before was too firmly attached to his thoughts. _If he did really mean it - he was sleepy after all - which like did he mean?_

Sasori fell back into the mattress and sighed. _This hasn't cleared up anything at all._

Suddenly, he heard stirring above him, then a thunk. "Ow, un."

"Deidara, what did you do?"

"I hit my head on the ceiling, yeah," was the mumbled response. Feet appeared at the bunk ladder, and then all of Deidara was visible. "Why are you up so early?" he asked rubbing his now sore head.

"I couldn't sleep." _Please don't let him know that it was because of what he said._

If Deidara did realize that, he didn't show it. "Do you want to get breakfast then, un? I'm really hungry."

"Sure." _Though, this does feel a bit awkward, but still, nice. _They exited the room together, and headed towards the cafeteria.

All was quiet in the empty halls except for the sound of the two's footsteps. But then a new sound was heard. _Moaning? Wait… Oh god. Eew. _Deidara heard the noise, too. "Saso-" The red head quickly silenced him. _I want to get some food, too, but the only available way since Gaara's area is still closed off is this. But, I really don't want to see who's making all that noise._

Eventually, Sasori decided that they were going to have to go that way eventually, so he turned the corner to where the sounds were coming from. What he saw was not what he had been expecting, though. _Is that Naruto under Itachi's brother? _Sasuke turned away from his make out partner on the wall in surprise. _Indeed it is. _

"Sasuke," Naruto groaned, rubbing up against the other boy. "Don't sto-" He saw Sasori and Deidara, frozen in the middle of the hallway.

Deidara's eyes were wide when Sasori turned to see his reaction. He then pulled the blonde's pajama sleeve, and muttered to the others, "Breakfast," as he drug Deidara away to the cafeteria.

They could hear the moans continue once they had started to leave. Neither Sasori nor Deidara spoke on the way. _God, that was awkward. Who would have thought that those two, of all the people, would be- _He blinked, trying to get the image out of his mind. But then, _was _that _the type of like that Deidara meant? _The image of Sasuke and Naruto was replaced with Sasori and the blonde. A blush creeped onto his face as he realized what he had just thought.

"Sasori, do you have a fever?"

He looked to see Deidara staring at him, puzzled. "N- no." He quickly turned away. _Stop it Sasori! That is majorly fucked-up thinking! … But, I wonder if that was what Deidara meant…_

* * *

Classes had been uneventful that day, with minimal homework, so Sasori stared off into space at his desk that afternoon. "Why don't you work on your puppets, un?" Deidara asked innocently at his own desk.

"I don't feel like it." _All fucking day I've been debating this. And still, nowhere. What the hell did Deidara mean?! Friend, brother, something else? _He threw his head down against the table.

"Sasori, un! I told you not to do that!" _Crap. Habit. Hmm, I also seem to be picking up some of Hidan's foul language. But, that's not so bad compared to what else I could get here. Like what we saw earl- _The red head jumped up in his chair, feeling flesh against his hand unexpectedly. "Better?" Deidara asked, giving his hand a squeeze._ Do friends hold hands? I wouldn't know. I never really had any that were close. God, I think too much. _He rested his head against the table, more gently this time.

Sasori decided to change the topic. "Did Konan say anything to you today?"

"No, un. Why?"

"Nothing."

_I should be more assertive and just ask him. But I did already ask him that first question three times yesterday. Stupid interruptions. _Deidara lay his head down, too, and looked at Sasori. "You're acting funny today."

"Really?"

"Yeah. Every day you are different. Always a different emotion, un. And always more confusing. But today, you're more… thoughtful."

"I guess."

"Do you want to talk, un?"

"About?"

"I don't know. Anything, yeah."

_What can I talk to you about? You probably want to know what I'm thinking, but even I don't really understand it. I'm always contradicting myself, going against rules that I set for myself. I don't even know who I am anymore._

"Sasori, you're quiet… What are you thinking?" _I know you too well, Deidara._

"My puppets," he lied. _But, I don't trust you enough quite yet. Or myself, for that matter._

"What about them?"

"You pry a lot."

Deidara's grip loosened. "Is that bad?"

Sasori countered by tightening his own. "I guess not."

There was silence. "I'm sorry, Sasori, un. I talk too much, and get into people's business. I'll stop if-"

"No. I'll tell you. Don't be sorry." _You'll make me feel bad. But, isn't that selfish of me? _"I'm thinking whether or not I'm going to add a wig to the next one," he lied.

"Why do you like puppets so much?"

"Why do you like to blow things up?"

"Because it relieves stress, un."

"Well, there's your answer."

"Huh?" _I forgot he's blonde… _

"It relieves stress."

"How so? It's not like blowing something up, un, with the boom!"

"I just like knowing that I can create something, I suppose."

The conversation seemed to die there. But then Deidara posed a big question. "Why do you talk to me a lot, Sasori, un?"

"What do you mean?"

"You usually don't talk to people, but you talk to me. Why?"

_Maybe not so blonde… But, he has a good point. Why do I talk to him more? That should be obvious, but… I'm pushing the answer away. I don't want to know… _"I don't know."

"Sasori-"

"I don't want to talk anymore." _Now I feel crabby. Probably not the medications to blame though, because it was only the throwing up that one day. It would have had effects before now. But also suddenly so sleepy. _He yawned and closed his eyes.

_Shrink tomorrow. Shit._ His head moved slightly, as he fell asleep, and slowly released Deidara's hand.

* * *

I'm as sleepy as Sasori, but I have homework. Boo hoo. These past chapters have been sort of blah, too. More action coming up. Woot. Though I'm wondering if I should end it sadly...

And if you like this story, you might like another story that I am working on, but have not yet posted on fanfiction. I'm still laying out the plot, but I can tell you that it involves forbidden love between Deidara and his camp counselor Sasori. I think I shall call it Bokutachi no Himitsu, which means our secret I think.

Reviews are loved.


End file.
